When I am Prime Minister I am going to see to it personally that an extra hour is installed in every day. This particular day is Sunday November 1st, and I have yawned and stretched lazily in my warm bed, chaired a meeting between my two cats (no mean feat since they are violently opposed to one another in all matters), indulged in coffee and Kim Philby’s autobiography for an hour and it is still only 8 o’clock. I raise my mug to the wonderful person who invented The Extra Hour to console us for darkening days. And for my next toast, I toast the toast.
Since neither of the cats seem to want to get up, I consider the possibility that it may not be a person I should be toasting. Could cats have invented this business of The Extra Hour themselves? Well perhaps not the two comatose ones on my bed right now, but one of their forebears?
Accepted wisdom may say that the idea was first seriously proposed by a New Zealander, but consider the evidence (My Lord). “DST” may stand for “daylight savings time”, but I aver (Your Honour) that it also stands for “domestic, short-haired tabby”, and I put it to you that the Day With The Extra Hour was introduced by cats to augment their reposing time. The life of a cat is after all hectic. Think of the slumbering, dreaming and dozing that must be fitted into one short day.
And then there is the snooze, not to mention the catnap. And the catnip! And do not forget eating! (They certainly do not.) Eating consumes (if you will pardon the pun) a considerable amount of time, with all the slurping, snorting, crunching and associated purring that needs to be done. Furthermore, it is common knowledge that the job description of a cat states most specifically that one’s surroundings must be checked daily for any changes to geographical layout etc. etc., new smells that may have arrived in the night – any new business arising – you know the sort of thing.
Why it is hardly surprising that any self-respecting feline would want extra time to put their paws up, chill out and slouch a bit.
I have heard the arguments that the aforementioned Kiwi introduced the setting forward of the clock in spring, and in the subsequent fall was simply returning the hour to its usual position. I dispute the veracity of this My Lord, and suggest that his change to our clocks was in fact intended to be permanent, if not in its inception, then most certainly in the following months when it was seen how much adjustment was required. People complained about disruption of their sleep patterns, others were missing travel connections and messing up their record-keeping. Chaos! Why not just leave things the way they were once we’d all got used to it, rather than go through all that again?
The world was divided on the issue.
It was no surprise that into the breach stepped a Kitty Of Good Fortune.
A Kitty Of Good Fortune, played by Puss In Boots.
Puss In Boots appears courtesy of his creator, Lynn Van Herwaarden of The Gingerbread Studio 539 Wildwood Crescent, Gabriola Island, BC Canada. +1 250 247 8687
Moginski Muddle-offnikov KGF (a Russian émigré) was that Kitty, and he saw the feline advantages of the upcoming Day With The Extra Hour. A longer day with time for grooming and desultory chats with fellow c(h)ats for one thing. But most of all more time to be petted by humans, a bizarre species normally to be spotted rushing around like headless chickens screaming “good God woman, where in hell are my knickerbockers?” Moginski (Mog for short) thought this a splendid idea and lobbied for The Day With The Extra Hour. Cats everywhere rallied behind him, henceforth being labelled as “Moggies”.
While Mog’s campaign was successful and Moggies everywhere celebrated their victory with a lie-in, lamentably it was Mog’s chief failing that he lived only in the present and failed to see that his much sought-after Day With The Extra Hour would only happen once a year. The full story of Mog’s betrayal and downfall is too long a Tail to be told here but as we all know, governments stepped in to make DST an annual event.
While our Kiwi friend can most certainly be held responsible for the brutal shortening of our day in spring, Your Honour I allege that the matter of The Day With The Extra Hour must be placed fairly and squarely at the paws of the domestic short-haired tabby.
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So that’s it! When I get up in the night in future and notice that my two cats are absent simultaneously, I will know that they are not digging in my flowerbeds but putting up placards about their next meeting, or at a secret rendezvous working on slogans.
Paws for the cause! Your right to a longer night! Rally in the alley!
I’m with them all the way.
2015-11-01
The Blethering Ant 