Flyers

So here comes winter and they’re all off to Mexico again. I can’t figure out why they go bonkers here on this island when you mention bridges, then they fly south for hours to get one.

We the stay-behinders, the burst-pipe hunters, the mail monitors, demand validation with a suitable label. Long winters have we toiled through the blinding snow, tending the properties of the tropical travellers, wads of Canadian Tire flyers stuffed creatively about our clothing. Endlessly have we studied the special offers and diligently sent alerts about Handy Paint Pails and 10-packs of Toe Warmers.

“Shall I send you a Tamper Resistant GFI Receptacle? They’re 50% off!” and “Canadian Tire are selling Telescopic Snow Brushes with Pivoting Heads for $16.99!” – all fall on deaf and sunburned ears, awash with seawater.

As if that’s not enough, those who fly to the sunny south even get a romantic name. “Snowbirds”. What about us? We should have a name too. But what? “Snow remainers”? “Snow sit tighters”? “Snow hang-on-in-there -ers”? Hardly head-pivoters, as names go. It does rather seem that somehow the seasonal travellers have pinched the only good name around. But if birds fly (which they generally do, around here at any rate) then surely we need to have a name that reflects the fact that we don’t, and that we stay here on the ground. The very cold, white ground. “Snow slugs”? I have to say I don’t personally like the idea of being called a slug, though you may feel differently. “Snowsitters”? Now that isn’t bad, though it does tend to conjure up the impression of some mad eejit sitting out in the snow in a comfy armchair with cocoa, pipe and slippers. On the other hand you might say it suggests to you a determined cadre of warriors, firmly esconced in the snow, resisting all attempts to move them, when actually no-one’s trying.

In my hunt for an appropriate label, I have decided that I am a Snowbear (with suitable apologies to the real Ursus prettyscaryus). Because although bears may be zippy runners, climbers and swimmers, I don’t think they do a lot of flying. If you consult the Mighty Google in the sky (where else?) you will discover that bears don’t have wings. Ah well that would explain it I suppose.

So until next time, I remain yours with several mail keys,
Alison, North Island Snowbear (Ursus openthatoneforus)